I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
