i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Someone signed my nipple.
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