Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
