Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
