we're blogging at a bar
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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