If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
