just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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