You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize