Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
