physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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