my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
