Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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