ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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