i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
