yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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