She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
