He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
