i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
