in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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