I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
