I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
