For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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