I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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