did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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