So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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