Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
