Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
