So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
