She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
