i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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