I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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