ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And then he peed in my hair
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