listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
