so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
