there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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