I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
