Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
