Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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