She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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