..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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