upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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