So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
