Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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