is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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