This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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