Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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