when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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