He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
