I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
