oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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