I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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