i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
