I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
