I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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