i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
