my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
