Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
