She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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