onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
