I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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