i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
