I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We're too hungover to prance.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
