Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
BRING THE BAGELS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
