I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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