Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
