i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My balls are so social today.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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