My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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