the day after is always just damage control
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
