i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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