I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
