I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
