I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
