How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
