He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
