I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Of course I have a pirate flag
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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