Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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