He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
