HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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