I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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