so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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