He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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