if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
