dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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