i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
