This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
