You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
