Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
