the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
