I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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