TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize