So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
