Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
