And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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