Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
