Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
