I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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