WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
