Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
