ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
